Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Pee Brained Justice
Tales of pee-stained jurisprudence just seem to be trickled all over today's web news. And, as always, I'm so proud when one such tale of urine antics gone painfully awry happens to eminate from the town of my birth! You just can't beat ledes like this one:
MCKEESPORT, Pa. - A woman pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with a bizarre incident in February that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store.
There's just too much gold to mine here. As the article notes, the accused was trying to pass a workplace drug test by filling a lifelike dildo with clean whizz. They stopped at a 'Get Go', wrapped the pee-filled rubber member in a papertowel and asked the clerk to nuke it. Fearing he had a real, severed johnson on his hands, the clerk called the cops. But here's the best part--even though Mr. Clerk thought he had a real Bobbitt in his hands, it would seem he still nuked it!! Why else would part of the restitution be $425 to replace the aptly-named 'Get Go' microwave?! That's it. . . next trip I make to W PA I'm stickin' to the Sheetz Dogs!
Not to get in a pissing contest or anything, but the cross-border OH-PA rivalry heated up in nearby Akron, OH where a disgruntled Postal Worker admitted his role in placing urine in the office coffee urine, oops, I mean urn. Apparently his co-workers, noticing their morning brew had a bit of a whang to it, complained to supervisors who proclaimed the coffee untainted. Undaunted by the erroneous pee-free declaration of the USPS bosses, the workers spent $1200 of their own money to have a secret security camera placed in the breakroom, and that's when the piss hit the fan as Thomas Shaheen was caught yellow-handed on several occasions 'spiking' the punch, so to speak.
"He didn't offer a motive, but his lawyer, Paul Adamson, said Shaheen had been frustrated about his work."
One late addition: Jeez, this is the scatological topic that just keeps on giving. Let me squeeze out one more tale. 'Urine Trouble', some states warn truckers aka, "Hey Buddy, that's Not Gatorade!"
Tales of pee-stained jurisprudence just seem to be trickled all over today's web news. And, as always, I'm so proud when one such tale of urine antics gone painfully awry happens to eminate from the town of my birth! You just can't beat ledes like this one:
MCKEESPORT, Pa. - A woman pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with a bizarre incident in February that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store.
There's just too much gold to mine here. As the article notes, the accused was trying to pass a workplace drug test by filling a lifelike dildo with clean whizz. They stopped at a 'Get Go', wrapped the pee-filled rubber member in a papertowel and asked the clerk to nuke it. Fearing he had a real, severed johnson on his hands, the clerk called the cops. But here's the best part--even though Mr. Clerk thought he had a real Bobbitt in his hands, it would seem he still nuked it!! Why else would part of the restitution be $425 to replace the aptly-named 'Get Go' microwave?! That's it. . . next trip I make to W PA I'm stickin' to the Sheetz Dogs!
Not to get in a pissing contest or anything, but the cross-border OH-PA rivalry heated up in nearby Akron, OH where a disgruntled Postal Worker admitted his role in placing urine in the office coffee urine, oops, I mean urn. Apparently his co-workers, noticing their morning brew had a bit of a whang to it, complained to supervisors who proclaimed the coffee untainted. Undaunted by the erroneous pee-free declaration of the USPS bosses, the workers spent $1200 of their own money to have a secret security camera placed in the breakroom, and that's when the piss hit the fan as Thomas Shaheen was caught yellow-handed on several occasions 'spiking' the punch, so to speak.
"He didn't offer a motive, but his lawyer, Paul Adamson, said Shaheen had been frustrated about his work."
One late addition: Jeez, this is the scatological topic that just keeps on giving. Let me squeeze out one more tale. 'Urine Trouble', some states warn truckers aka, "Hey Buddy, that's Not Gatorade!"
Labels: Hometown Follies, toilet humor
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